Le directeur

The heading is french translation of The manager. French is a beautiful jaada language for the english speaking fellas to get an upper edge by inserting some french words like monster,err..monsieur,bon into a converstation just like putting sliced coconut pieces to steamed rice powder from a steel pipe, a terrible engla transla of a great mallu saying puttinu thenga iduka. A french heading is always catchy.

Canteen Scene :
Me, girly and the enemy

Me : hey bye da, catch you later
Girly: goodnite
Enemy: bon nite
That @#!@# enemy struck
Girly: hooy, do you know french ? Can you teach me
Enemy: yeah, if you really want i will do that for you
Grrrr......

Then came those terrible nites for me and sweety-flirty-sugary nites for the enemy where girly is the perfect student and enemy is the perfect doctorate walla professor frenchie phew. The yahoo messenger became fully loaded with all kind of smileys. I prayed to the god for an immediate computer crash. Wow they stopped using messenger. Oh shit, gtalk. Enemy with a google translator and stupid girly learning all the french from this so called genius.

But i met success with italian. I typed hello to a new female profile. She replied back in some unknown language. Thanks to the translator. After a little trial and error i discovered that she is an italian. She was quite surprised on seeing a guy who knows italian. I started with regular stuff like asking about italy, rome, vatican. I just opened a search page began gathering information about these places and thereby increased the conversation length crooked flirt . She even sent me a photo of pisa tower.

dear, i am sending you my photo
ok josef psuedo name
you said you are an indian right
yes
but in the photo..... i searched for michael, joseph, mathew etc names in google images and finally settled for a good looking foreign chap. But i never thought about this danger. Now what will i say?
I am an anglo-indian dear......
oh anglo indian..
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From my next chat onwards , with new european gals i started typing "i am basically an anglo indian, josef". Truly speaking the success ratio was 90 percent. Out of the failures one was with a german client.Infact without using google translator i typed du hast. I have listened to this song by rammstein several times and since that was the only german knowledge apart from the names like nazi, hitler i just gave it a try.The response was quick and crisp. You assholic piece of shit. What a beautiful poetic reply.

Samantha. I won't forget her. She was very caring and friendly.We had a two month chatting relationship and finally out of my guilty feeling i revealed her that i am not the guy in the photo and my name is not josef.

Samantha, i am sorry
hey josef, it's ok
but, i did a wrong thing right
Josef, I am also sorry for doing this to you
What ???
My name is sam and i am 68. Just now i have sent you my original photo
You bloody homo kelavan( old man )....!!!!!!!. I almost fainted seeing the innocent smile of...!@#@!

P.S : I started this post to tell about a perfect manager , but alas ended up with filling some junk stuff. Will release the second post soon with same heading and an added II.
"According to the classic managements textbooks and best-selling guides, the ideal manager is knowledgeable, achievement-oriented, detail-oriented, systematic, and efficiency-oriented; organized, a logical and linear thinker;..."

Welcome to Hairgel

‘Welcome to hairgel mobile and narrowband services’.

It was a lovely welcome message from them. I was impressed and was looking forward to quickly get an answer to my query. Here we go.

'Press 1 for Tamil', good but i donno Tamil.

'Press 2 for Hindi', good but i don't want.

'Press 3 for Portuguese' (what the...).

'Press 4 for Chinese'.

'Press 5 for French.’

'If you are dumb and deaf, press the cancel button'. ( Fantastic ).

'Press 100 for English' (gasp, thanks a lot to hairgel).

Somehow i pressed 100. Again came the message 'welcome to hairgel mobile and narrowband services'(phew, shavangal).Suddenly i felt some speedy train has passed. Oh the lady has said something. Is she telling something or studying for some fastest English shouting course? I just said one word 'Madam' (kreek, jerk...Oh my goodness, here comes the torpedo from hairgel rep).

'Welcome to hairgel mobile and narrowband services. Hairgel is the numero uno in many services which i donno know exactly. We have a unique business model and have created ripples all over India...' (All in 100th part of a millisecond).But i didn't allow her to continue. I howled like a jackal.

'keeeeeeeeeeeeeee, koooooooooooooooo, brrrrrrrrrr'. That was enough for her . Dingading.

Hairgel Rep: "what the...” Wow success. She stopped.

'Madam pls, i don’t want the history of your company. I will read from the website'.

'Thank you sir. I am glad to know that you are a regular visitor to our company website. Don't you want to know the specialties of our unique website sir? Wait a sec.'

'Ayyooooo...Rama Rama'.

'Great to know that you are devotee of ram sir. We provide you exclusive rama ring tones, caller tones, message tones, switch off tones, switch on tones, lost a mobile tones, anti theft tones.'

What should i do? I wanted to thrash this lady like a pulp. This is the limit. But relax buddy.

'May i know your good name lady?'

'Chinky'

'Wow, lovely name. I called to point out a mistake from your services but hearing your sweet voice i forgot everything.'

'What sir. I didn't get you'

Yeah, her speedy English got some sudden break. Good start

'Yeah chinky, I love you. I got a decent job and ur sweet. Shall we tie the knot? If you are ready contact me'.

No sound from the other end. Great, I won. Now not in near future she will torture me like this. I planned to do similar bizarre tricks to the other executives also.

'Bye now chinky. Catch you later'.

................................................................................

Aunty-climax (No uncle? Huh ...!)

'Chinky, gimme a cup of coffee'

'Yes dear lemme pack your breakfast'

Ooops. Dingolfications.

She

Train started again. I was just in after being out to buy some snacks to eat.

‘Lays?'.She nodded her head in disapproval.

The cold air began to pour in again. She didn't seem to affect by the chillness. But i started shivering. I took a thick cloth from the bag and covered myself. As usual some unreserved people have taken some available positions. One guy has taken my favorite position in train, upper berth. You will get all kind of privacy there and no one will be there to disturb you. TTR came and all of a sudden unreserved persons disappeared.

'Who is the second person?’ TTR asked me.

'My wife' I replied back pointing her.

TTR gave a glance and went away.

..........................................................................................................................................................

He was sitting in the chair thinking of something.

'What happened man?' I asked.

'Hey i have to go to bedalla village again.'

'Oh again going to that remote village?’

'Yeah, some more company work. Hey if you are free can you join?’

'Hmm.’

'Come on man, it's a nice place. You can explore your photographic passion too. You are free right? I am booking tickets for you'.

Soon we were traveling to the place. Me in upper berth as usual. It took around 6 hrs. There were no bus services in the village. We took a bullock cart and reached in front of a house. He had arranged everything and he was quite familiar with this place too. Good thing, otherwise it would have been quite difficult. Although the village wore a primitive look the girls were really beautiful. In fact on the way to house I spotted a few.

‘Hey someone is standing outside’

‘Oh, may be the guide’

‘Guide?’

‘Yeah man, a helper for you. He will help you to explore the village. Without him it will be difficult for you since you won’t understand their language.’

‘Wow, that’s great man. He can help to find the real beauties in the village. I saw a bunch on the way.’

‘Hey better you stay away from those beauties for sake of your good health’.

Guide’s name was Joseph and he is a migrant here. He showed me many nice places. Finally we were resting near an old temple.

‘Hey who is that girl with that water pot there?’

‘Oh she is madhu; she stays in that small hut there.’

‘Nice girl Joseph, if I get real beauties like this I will give you whatever money you want’

‘We can get sir’

‘Hey I was joking man’

I wanted to take one photo of her but quickly back tracked my idea.

Next day I decided to visit the temple again. My aim was to find madhu again. I found her. But she was in special attire.

‘What is going on there?’

‘It’s special pooja and human sacrifice’

‘What? Human sacrifice?’

‘Yes, but no body will be killed. Every 5 years this ritual happens here. The priests select virgin girls and they are given to the holy deity. Till next year this girl will be in the possession of the priests and after that girl is sold outside to the village. Then the village is sanctified according to them.

‘Everything is fake sir’.

‘I know these priests and they are sending these girls to outside people for money. We can also get them if we pay some amount to them’.

‘Oh. There is no police station here?’

‘No sir, it’s very far away and no one will visit this place. The villagers are hardcore believers and aggressive too.’

I felt sorry for the girl. She was very beautiful.

When I returned home my friend was not there in the house. He had informed me in the morning that he will be late. I felt bored. I slept till evening. Guide had provided me with some local brew. I started enjoying it. Good one. Soon I began floating in air. Nice girls began to come to my mind. Madhu came with the flowers and special attire. Beside her was the guide. He was saying something to madhu and also to me. I pointed to the drawer. He took some money from the purse…

I don’t know how many hours passed. It was total darkness in the room. I burned a candle. Some one is sitting in the corner. It was madhu. Oh my god, what I have done. I felt very bad at myself. What a creature I am. I heard a knock in the front door.

‘Hey, I am lost man’. It was my friend. ‘What happened’ I asked him.

‘I will tell you. The visit to this village was an intentional one. Last time during my visit I fell in love with a village girl who was a helper in my office. We planned to marry, but villagers didn’t allow. So this time we planned to run away. I thought of telling this to you but some how couldn’t. But now she is missing after that ritual. I am searching guide Joseph.’

I was in a shock after hearing this. I know where the girl is. He entered my room. He was shocked to see her in my room and looked at me. I couldn’t face him. She didn’t speak a word. He didn’t speak a word. Within 5 minutes he packed his bag and went out without uttering anything.

I was standing there in darkness disturbed by the candle light.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘What shall I order for you to eat?’ I asked her and showed signs for eating the food. She didn’t say anything.

‘Give us 2 meals’ I told the pantry man. She never gave me answer for my questions. But still I used to ask her for past 20 years. She never demanded anything. She always gave me an emotionless face. But I know inside her she may be weeping. I never heard any word from her. I never heard any word from my friend too. The 20 years of silence took some sheen from her beautiful face.