Love-letter

Dear Sunitha,

I don't know how to tell this. Neither do I know how to express my feelings nor i could explain. We knew each other for quite some time....

We three were busy with the preparation for the aug 15th floral competition. Ramu as usual went to the market in morning and may be on his way back. Our lift in 3rd floor went to ground floor. 'Oh some one is coming to this floor'. Gaurd had told yesterday that a new occupant would be coming to T2 flat.I didn't show much interest and continued the final touchings for the green section. Each color of the flag was assigned to each me, ann, priya. One more outer layer has to completed for it to finish. But Ramu has to bring the powder to complete it.

He was a cool dude. Omg not cool really handsome. Don't give such high ratings. Three views of 3 virgin girls. Mine had an extra topping of jealousy. Can't help. He talked to priya first. I had a bad timing. Was busy with decorating my part. And with her exceptional 'vayadi' a.k.a talkative nature it was quite a cakewalk for her to get an upper hand in the proceedings. But none could make much inroads into the relation with him. Thats why i got a crush on him. He didn't show much interest in those flirty type activities. Pakka decent. A great exception to the typical vayanokki. So as we used to see in many films i put a 5kg weight to both of my shoulders. But i think my tactics backfired. Occassionally he will be speaking to only rose or priya and that too upon the constant implementation of 'how to win a guy's heart' theory by a well known author. They started by offering some delicacies ( supposed to be hand made but factually speaking ramu's trademark hand made eateries' ). I kept my ego high. I was in a fix. Nor i could bump into him nor he would do that. Occassionally i will be keeping ramu as a dummy and will pass some glance at him. I will be ordering/discussing with ramu about how a house can be kept in order, what a responsible person,blah . One thing i was sure. He was paying a little attention to me.

I never thought a small knife cut accident will turn out to be my lucky incident. Ramu got scared. He was only 19. Poor boy, he went into opposite flat and called him. I knew this incident was silly. But blood flow didn't stop from the cut. He took me to the hospital and hence start of a relationship .

I think stars have turned to my favour. Both priya and rose got shifts for work and sometimes weekend too. Ramu has virtually became two flat servant. I would insist ramu to go and help and him so that i can join them and eventually into the conversations with him. I made up my mind. He is good. He has also developed and good friendly relationship with me. He was caring too. Good background, family and same religion too. But how can i propose him first. Intially i thought of using ramu as a messenger but my ego didn't permit. He defenitely likes me. But not sure whether he loves me or not. Hurray....!!!!. A email from him with dear sunitha as subject. Omg i can't believe. I was totally out of mind. Gone mad with all kind of feelings.

Dear Sunitha,

I don't know how to tell this. Neither i know how to express my feelings nor i can explain. We knew each other for quite some time.You are my good friend. I think you can help me regarding this. When i first saw ramu among you i felt a kind of emotion or feeling which i do know this will be a shock for you since you can't imagine me in that sense. But this is not wrong right?I can't tell this to ramu. But you can try to

I closed the mail. I couldn't read further. Delete pls Delete

Tell me yaar why you are leaving suddenly. Yeah tell suni what happened

Didi....

Aaaah , hearing ramu's voice i ran from there.

Le directeur

The heading is french translation of The manager. French is a beautiful jaada language for the english speaking fellas to get an upper edge by inserting some french words like monster,err..monsieur,bon into a converstation just like putting sliced coconut pieces to steamed rice powder from a steel pipe, a terrible engla transla of a great mallu saying puttinu thenga iduka. A french heading is always catchy.

Canteen Scene :
Me, girly and the enemy

Me : hey bye da, catch you later
Girly: goodnite
Enemy: bon nite
That @#!@# enemy struck
Girly: hooy, do you know french ? Can you teach me
Enemy: yeah, if you really want i will do that for you
Grrrr......

Then came those terrible nites for me and sweety-flirty-sugary nites for the enemy where girly is the perfect student and enemy is the perfect doctorate walla professor frenchie phew. The yahoo messenger became fully loaded with all kind of smileys. I prayed to the god for an immediate computer crash. Wow they stopped using messenger. Oh shit, gtalk. Enemy with a google translator and stupid girly learning all the french from this so called genius.

But i met success with italian. I typed hello to a new female profile. She replied back in some unknown language. Thanks to the translator. After a little trial and error i discovered that she is an italian. She was quite surprised on seeing a guy who knows italian. I started with regular stuff like asking about italy, rome, vatican. I just opened a search page began gathering information about these places and thereby increased the conversation length crooked flirt . She even sent me a photo of pisa tower.

dear, i am sending you my photo
ok josef psuedo name
you said you are an indian right
yes
but in the photo..... i searched for michael, joseph, mathew etc names in google images and finally settled for a good looking foreign chap. But i never thought about this danger. Now what will i say?
I am an anglo-indian dear......
oh anglo indian..
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From my next chat onwards , with new european gals i started typing "i am basically an anglo indian, josef". Truly speaking the success ratio was 90 percent. Out of the failures one was with a german client.Infact without using google translator i typed du hast. I have listened to this song by rammstein several times and since that was the only german knowledge apart from the names like nazi, hitler i just gave it a try.The response was quick and crisp. You assholic piece of shit. What a beautiful poetic reply.

Samantha. I won't forget her. She was very caring and friendly.We had a two month chatting relationship and finally out of my guilty feeling i revealed her that i am not the guy in the photo and my name is not josef.

Samantha, i am sorry
hey josef, it's ok
but, i did a wrong thing right
Josef, I am also sorry for doing this to you
What ???
My name is sam and i am 68. Just now i have sent you my original photo
You bloody homo kelavan( old man )....!!!!!!!. I almost fainted seeing the innocent smile of...!@#@!

P.S : I started this post to tell about a perfect manager , but alas ended up with filling some junk stuff. Will release the second post soon with same heading and an added II.
"According to the classic managements textbooks and best-selling guides, the ideal manager is knowledgeable, achievement-oriented, detail-oriented, systematic, and efficiency-oriented; organized, a logical and linear thinker;..."

Welcome to Hairgel

‘Welcome to hairgel mobile and narrowband services’.

It was a lovely welcome message from them. I was impressed and was looking forward to quickly get an answer to my query. Here we go.

'Press 1 for Tamil', good but i donno Tamil.

'Press 2 for Hindi', good but i don't want.

'Press 3 for Portuguese' (what the...).

'Press 4 for Chinese'.

'Press 5 for French.’

'If you are dumb and deaf, press the cancel button'. ( Fantastic ).

'Press 100 for English' (gasp, thanks a lot to hairgel).

Somehow i pressed 100. Again came the message 'welcome to hairgel mobile and narrowband services'(phew, shavangal).Suddenly i felt some speedy train has passed. Oh the lady has said something. Is she telling something or studying for some fastest English shouting course? I just said one word 'Madam' (kreek, jerk...Oh my goodness, here comes the torpedo from hairgel rep).

'Welcome to hairgel mobile and narrowband services. Hairgel is the numero uno in many services which i donno know exactly. We have a unique business model and have created ripples all over India...' (All in 100th part of a millisecond).But i didn't allow her to continue. I howled like a jackal.

'keeeeeeeeeeeeeee, koooooooooooooooo, brrrrrrrrrr'. That was enough for her . Dingading.

Hairgel Rep: "what the...” Wow success. She stopped.

'Madam pls, i don’t want the history of your company. I will read from the website'.

'Thank you sir. I am glad to know that you are a regular visitor to our company website. Don't you want to know the specialties of our unique website sir? Wait a sec.'

'Ayyooooo...Rama Rama'.

'Great to know that you are devotee of ram sir. We provide you exclusive rama ring tones, caller tones, message tones, switch off tones, switch on tones, lost a mobile tones, anti theft tones.'

What should i do? I wanted to thrash this lady like a pulp. This is the limit. But relax buddy.

'May i know your good name lady?'

'Chinky'

'Wow, lovely name. I called to point out a mistake from your services but hearing your sweet voice i forgot everything.'

'What sir. I didn't get you'

Yeah, her speedy English got some sudden break. Good start

'Yeah chinky, I love you. I got a decent job and ur sweet. Shall we tie the knot? If you are ready contact me'.

No sound from the other end. Great, I won. Now not in near future she will torture me like this. I planned to do similar bizarre tricks to the other executives also.

'Bye now chinky. Catch you later'.

................................................................................

Aunty-climax (No uncle? Huh ...!)

'Chinky, gimme a cup of coffee'

'Yes dear lemme pack your breakfast'

Ooops. Dingolfications.