Yes I have infinite, great and terrible ideas to write an epic. I am presently reading a romantic classic. Oh my god 1000+ pages and full description of nature, surroundings, even dresses, travel and what to say lots of more blahs. I am wondering how they can write like this with elaborated description of each minor elements. One guy looking at other one, yes that is the usual stimulus to such blah writing. It will goon like this - how his moustache is trimmed, how his hat is positioned.
I know some great fan of classic will be frowning call me all great out of dictionary words. Stay away coz I got terrible ‘chales and hathbag ‘jokes exclusively for scaring away sane people from me. Before starting just see how cleverly I wrote 3 paragraphs of junk with little effort.
Ok so please note down the basic law of relativity. Increase the relativity of the hero or heroine. No it’s not Albert Einstein’s relativity. Just increase the number of relatives. U can create cousins, nephews, father, mother and so on. And basic law here is each relative you are creating there it you should create 5 (My personal suggestion, you can have n number) more relatives. You can even create friends and then later can merge them to the hero clan with the special surprise relativity techniques like love marriage.
Flash back. Yes it’s a great technique. Each time one scene is about to get bored all characters should go into their respective flash backs. Hero can go to childhood days, heroine to her college days, father and mother to their honeymoon period. Just think around this point and you will get millions of flashy ideas.
Leave the hero alone. Please leave the hero alone. Let him to go to woods or cinema or fishing or let him go to hell. But after reaching any one of above places the hero should muse about something. Or he can be philosophical. He can pity himself on why this stupid world is like this. He can suggest methods to improve the round ugly shape of the earth to beautiful stick shape of or whatever blah you are feeling you can whip the hero to muse.
Don’t copy from any other books. No need for us. Get lost all such great fan fare books. We have our own style. Next thing we have to do is be very serious, desperate, shit faced person. With that mood we can write some crap philosophical thing. Don’t forget to keep a Google page or word web free dic (u naughty, no double meanings here) tionary. Just type a simple word and find the hardest synonym. E.g. the feeling when we see some porn movie is ‘lecherousness’. Oh my god after pronouncing this word I stopped seeing that. Similarly each simple word should be replaced by shit words so that reader will be in hell and will instantly congratulate you on the beautiful poetic blahtic language. The more the reader understands the blah writings the less appreciation.Don’t forget this law.
I got bored. Shall I stop this? I may give second or n number of parts for this. I want to write more. So before starting writing book don’t have any pre planned story line. It will be a flop idea. Decide on hero’s name place that’s all. Not even father, mother characters are necessary now. We can create them in due course.